Am I Seeking Fulfillment in My Own Worth?

All I saw was imperfection engraved on my face and etched in the cavity of my brain. Just clumsy, awkward me, trying desperately to attain a social life despite my lack of style and gracious gait. From the windows of time, as I watched myself grow centimeters, inches, and then feet, I realized one desperate thought- I was embedded with flaws. 

     I wasn’t cool, popular, stylish, or smooth socially. I didn’t have expensive clothing, luxurious accessories, or a lavish social life. I was just me, and that wasn’t enough.

     Is the way that I am causing me to lose my friends? Why does it feel like no one likes or appreciates me? What is my purpose in life? How can I “fix” my flaws?

     But I came to realize, at the root of all of these questions is selfishness. Selfishness that is never satisfied. I realized that I’ll never be enough for myself. I will always have flaws; that’s just the way it is. The real question is whether I’ll learn to accept them or not.

     So does it really matter if I’m a little awkward? Does it really matter if I’m not appreciated like I think I should be? Will I be satisfied if I’m prettier and look like the popular girls?

     The answer is an absolute no! The way that I am will never serve to satisfy my aching soul. I am the way God wants me to be, and that’s enough. The One who spun the galaxies in a swirl of dance and song; the One who set the whistling wind in place to rustle the golden leaves; the One who molded the bouncy clouds and hoisted them into the wide expanse of periwinkle sky, created you and me.

     So let’s declare with the Psalmist, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” The Lord knitted together your so-called “flaws” into the person that you are today, for a very specific and individual purpose. 

     Don’t forget your purpose. Glorify God and live in joy with Him. You’re not a mistake. You were made for a reason.

     So, in the end, I learned that I didn’t need satisfaction from material possessions, looks, or popularity. I didn’t need to be less awkward or have a more vibrant personality. Chasing after that which is not ours is merely a broken cistern that leaves us with a gaping hole, aching for fulfillment. There is only one piece that will ever perfectly fill that hole- Jesus, and He is infinitely enough for me.